Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
I was up late last night doing some work and had the TV on. A show came on after all the talk shows, showing a video clip count down for the year. I was half watching, giggling a bit as I continued to work. But then the following video was shown. For some reason this struck a cord with me and I laughed so hard no sound came out. The kind of laugh where your stomach hurts bad and you really can't breathe. So, I decided I really needed to try to find this on YouTube and share this with you. But first, I wanted to see if I still thought it was as funny as last night, or was it just lack of sleep? ... Nope, just as funny. Now, before you watch just remember, I'm quite sure someone was hurt in the making of this video. I feel bad for this guy, but man is it funny:
"I will die by shooting." If they shot him, that would be true, so he would have to die by hanging - but that would make his statement false. Unable to reconcile the two, the bandits gave up and let him go.
Courtesy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader - LOL.
Courtesy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader - LOL.
"Once in Asia," said Uncle Gorden, "I was captured by bandits. They told me: 'Make a statement - if you speak the truth, we'll hang you... if you say something false, we'll shoot you.' I thought it over for a minute, and then uttered a phrase that confused the robbers so completely that they let me go."
What did he say?
Ponder this teaser, I'll post the answer tomorrow.
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:00 am - Went to the vet. Bummer.
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!
Cat Diary - Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for these rations perfectly clear, I never-the-less must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
EDITED (11-25-07): Reviewing old posts and have found out that this previous Halloween Hangman has now changed to Christmas Hangman. LOL! No telling what the link will change to next.
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So God called one of the angels and sent the angel to Earth. When he returned, he told God,
"Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% of the people are misbehaving, only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and decided it would be best for him to send down another angel to get a second opinion. So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time, too. When the angel returned, he went to God and said,
"Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% of the people are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. To help encourage the 5% who were behaving well he decided to send them an email, to give them a little something to help them keep going on the right path. Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, just wondering; I didn't get one either.
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