How do we as parents know what is the best route to take when trying to teach our kids how to handle the art of competition? We ran into this question recently with our boys. They both participated in inline hockey tryouts for their middle school team. DH and I sat and watched the whole thing. When they were done the boys asked how they did and we were faced with the decision to tell them how we thought they did and provide them with constructive criticism or just to tell them "good job" and let them know how proud of them we were that they tried out. It was an interesting position to be in, especially since we have a 6th grader and an 8th grader. The skill level is so different at these ages as is the maturity level.
A friend of ours said she was going to tell her son "good job". I decided I was going the constructive criticism route with a "good job" in there as well. Our 6th grader was fine with it. Our 8th grader not at all. He was mad and I was ok with that. I was very careful in what I said and how I said it. I then gave him space prior to talking with him again just one-on-one. The boys had two different days for try-outs and the club encouraged everyone to come to both. I asked him how badly he wanted to be on the team - and he of course responded pretty bad. I then asked him would he prefer I just tell him "good job" and let him perform the same and risk not getting on the team OR have me give him constructive criticism that would allow him to modify his performance for the next try-out? No one likes to hear constructive criticism when it is given but if taken in the spirit in which it is given it can be a real gift.
The boys went to the second try-outs and ended up making the teams. Although I was happy they made it, I was much happier that they did the best they could do and learned valuable life lessons at the same time. And you know what? The boys were not the only ones that learned a lot through this experience.
Go team(s)!
